Posted by: aceanderic | August 8, 2008

FRIDAY, AUGUST 8 (day 89)

Panic, fear, feeling exhausted, and stress is knocking on my door and I’m keeping that door shut as hard as I can. I can do this, and so can Eric; we can and we will get through this; I don’t have time to fall apart now. I’m telling myself to be patience, and I’m telling Eric that too, over and over again. I refuse to open that door to all the bad and negative thoughts that’s coming closer to me. I can see the panic in Eric’s eyes and I can see the depression too. He was “fine” just a few days ago but as I’ve said, something is changing. I’m afraid he’s given up because I’m not getting anything out of him. Yes, he’s walking. He actually walked about 250 feet total with the walker throughout the day today. But that’s the only positive thing I saw in him. He’s eyes are blank, just staring, he’s not responding to any commands and he won’t communicate. The only thing he does is a vague growling. Patience, patience… I know Eric will get through this, and he will communicate soon again, and he will eventually talk again too. I did the very basic training with him today, which is A, B, C and 1, 2, 3. I had a card for each symbol, told him what each symbol was and then asked him to point at “A” for example. I know he listened and he study the cards carefully, but then he leaned back in the chair with a big sigh. He didn’t respond more then that. I wonder if he’s scared, probably thinking that he should know this but he doesn’t. Eric has a university degree in finance as his major and international economics as his minor; he really knows numbers and he’s very good at it. I would be scared too if I was him. I know he will come out of this ok; I have not lost hope, we just need to be patience…


Responses

  1. If his eyes are blank his meds may need adjusting.

    It must be incredibly frustrating for a man of his intellect to not be able to say “1”. It seems like he understands what’s being said to him. You might want to ask the Doctors if it’s ok to say something reassuring like “I know you know this stuff, it’s just the injury, we just have to train your brain again, it’ll come. It’s just like a lay off, you need to start at ground zero”. I know you have to be very careful with patients with his sort of injury and I know it’s incredibly frustrating for them.

    My father has Parkinson’s and his body freezes on him. He gets very frustrated with his inability to do simple tasks. We just tell him it’s the disease and we know he knows how to tie a shoe or walk or put food on a fork and into his mouth.

    We’re all here for you. You’re doing an amazing job.

  2. Maybe a visit from the dogs! I know a couple of dog kisses fix a lot! And while all those emotions, thoughts, feelings are scary and overwhelming sometimes the biggest breakthrough can happen after acknowledging all that. You have a lot of support you can use too!

  3. I really admire your patience and determination throughout all of this. I can’t begin to imagine what you’re up against day after day, but you are handling this with grace and strength.

  4. Setbacks are part of life. Winners don’t win all the time and loosers do not loose all the time. The difference is that winners overcome setbacks and obstacles and you guys are winners. Focus on the positives each day.

    Cheers,
    Klaus

  5. Hello ACE and Eric. I just read the Portland Tribune article and was so touched by the story and you both. I’m keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers and hope to attend the next fundraiser.

    SAM

    Here’s a link to the Portland Tribune news story with photos if you want to link to it from your blog:
    http://www.portlandtribune.com/news/print_story.php?story_id=121805848583869100


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